In the wake of revelations by Senator Rand Paul that Dr Anthony Fauci kept a secret diary detailing discoveries made during the COVID-19 pandemic that allegedly conflicted with his public statements, top progressive non-profit MoveOn.org has announced a partnership with top Etsy seller “Crafting Cyndee” to gift every NIAID scientist a new Fauci-themed “lock and key” secret diary.
“These diaries will enable future NIAID leadership, as well as the rank-and-file corps of scientists, to better keep secrets about discoveries they have made that might conflict with their public statements or even congressional testimony regarding future pandemics,” a MoveOn.org spokesperson said in an exclusive interview with the Crimson Comedy Club.
“We don’t want those scientists putting everything on email, or typing it into a computer, where it can be so easily discovered again by pesky senators,” the spokeswoman added. “For generations, little girls across America have relied on traditional, ‘lock and key’ diaries to keep their secrets safe, and now, thanks to this partnership, people with reams of PhD and MD degrees will have that same opportunity.”
The diaries are a custom design developed by top Etsy seller, “Crafting Cyndee.”
Crafting Cyndee has operated a top-five best-performing Etsy shop for three years in a row now. Previous best-selling items have included fake penis prosthetics for transgender babies, yoni-scented candles, and organic hemp bags designed for repeat use at self-fill chia seed dispensaries at Pacific Coast co-ops.
The initial round of diaries, which will be provided first to self-described non-binary and neurodivergent NIAID scientists, will be funded through a generous one-off donation from communist billionaire Neville Roy Singham, husband of Code Pink co-founder Jody Evans.
“We’re excited about this public sector-private sector partnership that will help keep our allies laboring under an American regime overly concerned about transparency safe from future public scrutiny,” said World Health Organization deputy head of US partnerships Gerhard Muller von Fabenhorstenguten, speaking from his office in Geneva. “The world needs more Dr. Faucis if we are to ensure future racial justice representation in international health research funding and a steady stream of grants to Chinese laboratories, free from pesky questions about ‘gain of function’ research,” von Fabenhorstenguten added.
A mass-consumer-market version of the diaries will also become available in time for the 2027 holiday season, Crafting Cyndee confirmed through a spokesperson. “Our initial AI market analysis indicates huge uptake among more conservative Generation X purchasers for their Baby Boomer mothers, especially where those mothers have a demonstrated pattern of donating to MoveOn.org, ActBlue, and candidates like Abu El-Sayed, Zohran Mamdani, AOC, and Ilhan Omar.”
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