In the latest fallout surrounding Ed Sheeran's upcoming US musical tour, Bob Kraft has taken the extraordinary step of canceling Ed Sheeran's concert date at his Gillette Stadium after realizing it would feature Ed Sheeran.
Kraft was said to have realized that continuing with the event would force him into an association with an excessively bland, formulaic, and overly commercial artist whose music he privately hates and which receives routinely terrible reviews from music writers and DJs.
"I can't fill a stadium with this crap," Kraft is said to have bellowed to a secretary.
"And even if I could, I don't want anyone thinking I listen to, or respect, today's slightly more pop-like incarnation of Kenny G or John Tesh," he added. "People can get that [expletive] for free, just riding around in a hotel elevator."
Kraft was also said to be worried about the risk of lawsuits from locals who, like most people with ears, hate Ed Sheeran.
Sheeran was said to be disappointed by the move.
"There are at least a few hundred 65-to-85 year-old ladies in the Northeastern United States who now have no hope of finding a live music event to fit their tastes," Sheeran complained to Kraft.
"Michael Bolton isn't touring anymore," Sheeran added. "This consumer demographic isn't being catered to at all, and is being left behind while Kraft pursues supposedly more 'popular' sports and music that earns more acclaim, like hot, new country artists or Bruno Mars."
Sheeran is said to be actively considering alternative tour dates at local senior centers and pop-ups surrounding forthcoming No Kings protests.
This story will be updated as we learn more.
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