With just hours until Michigan’s polls close in the 2026 Democratic Senate primary, left-wing candidate Abu El-Sayed offered the Crimson Comedy Club a surprise explanation for alleged anti-Semitic comments.
El-Sayed, an epidemiologist by trade, said that the entire narrative about him hating Jews was down to a simple misunderstanding: He has indeed bashed “Zionism” and “Zionists” in the past, but that’s because he has a particular hatred for Utah’s Zion National Park and believes it is overhyped relative to neighboring Bryce Canyon National Park.
“Look, I’ve been an avid hiker for years,” El-Sayed explained. “I’ve visited both parks, and I simply do not understand why Zion is regarded as so ‘special’ by so many of my fellow outdoor enthusiasts. This is almost like an article of faith for them, and this special relationship that Americans—especially the right wing—seem to think exists between all of us and these ‘Zionists’ needs to stop.”
When asked what steps he would take as a US Senator to address this state of affairs, which El-Sayed described as “shocking to the conscience,” El-Sayed pledged to cut off taxpayer funding for all Zion Park-related interests. “That includes so-called ‘self-defense’ measures,” El-Sayed added. “American taxpayers should not be on the hook for paying for park rangers for this abomination.”
When further pressed about statements he has made regarding “Jews,” El-Sayed said that was a separate issue where transcription errors have been made. “Look, I have no problem with anti-Zion Jews. The majority of American Jews are very progressive and recognize that Bryce Canyon has been getting short shrift, even to the point of its virtual extermination, as a result of Zionist dogma within the American political class. What I do have a problem with is all this pro-Zion policy, and also juice. I really, really, really hate juice. The world should be cleansed of juice as soon as is humanly possible,” El-Sayed offered.
El-Sayed pointed to at least 130 procedural votes that rival Democrat Haley Stevens had cast in support of budgets that funded everything from park rangers to wildfire prevention to connect-the-dots worksheets for kindergarten visitors to Zion during her term in Congress. His campaign spokesperson also noted that Stevens has received corporate PAC donations from Minute Maid, Tropicana, and even Florida’s Own, as well as several suspicious high-dollar donations from megadonors using addresses in Southwestern Utah.
“Stevens needs to understand that a huge volume of Michigan voters have a deeply personal, and deeply negative experience, with these Zionists. In addition, we drink soda, coffee, and tea here. We are anti-juice. And as for Mike Rogers, well, he is even more deeply in the pocket of these Zionists, and he loves juice more than he loves his own would-be constituents.”
The Stevens campaign declined to respond to El-Sayed’s attacks in detail, saying just that El-Sayed’s anti-juice, anti-Zion attacks would make him unelectable in a general election.
The Rogers campaign told the Crimson Comedy Club that Rogers is a huge fan of juice, and drinks several glasses a day, ranging from orange to apple to cranberry. Rogers is also an advocate of more security for Zion National Park and confirmed that he would vote for continued funding of park shuttle services, higher pay for rangers, and trail improvements if elected in November.
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